Richard A. Lanham’s The Longman Guide to Revising Prose uses simple techniques for streamlining your prose. Though the major portion is directed to the business workplace, it can help you structure your writing and give you a stronger voice.
(Pardon me, Mr. Lanham, but I thought I’d have a little fun and try to do the reverse of what you taught me.)
So here is an old nursery rhyme in the bureaucratic form of writing.
Little Bo Peep’s increased negligence to important matters has had far reaching implications that have lead to a disturbing chain of events, chief of which is the misplacement of her yeanlings.
This gross neglect of duty causes us great concerns in that Miss Peep has not sought to locate the yeanlings, because she says she doesn’t know where to locate them.
Further, her inability to herd her yeanlings has led us to be certain of the fact that she will never be able to locate the wanderers, who for no fault of their own, do not possess any knowledge of mapping ability and have therefore have managed to get themselves inappropriately positioned.
It is the thinking of the court on this matter, that if they are left to their own devices, they will most certainly arrive back to their domicile, waving backwards and forwards their posterior appendages behind them.