A new year is a chance for changes. Change is always a bit intimidating. Intimidating for me. Moving out of my comfort zone and making commitments that I know up front are going to be hard to keep. Wondering why it is all so hard. Several posts back, I announced my new word (gratitude). I managed 24 hours of gratefulness, before freezing weather came once again and I’m up to my ears in my own unwanted complaints. (It’s just a little bit of bad weather, so I should be able to deal with it.)
All my writing is getting me thinking seriously. Permit a comparison with swimming and commitment: Sometime I choose to sit at the edge, never going to the deep end of the pool. Just treading water, never letting myself get fully immersed in the experience.
For years I sat on the edge dangling feet and legs into the pool unable to take the plunge, fearful to go deeper. Early in life I was tossed into a lake (a bit of fun for the tossers, but terror for the tossee.) It was not until I was in my twenties and under the tutelage of a patient and compassionate teacher that I finally learned to not only stay afloat, but to love diving off the deep end.
But now an analogy; how learning to swim is like living; being thrown into the water did not teach me to swim. I had to realize that it was up to me. Put my fears aside and just plunge in. I can’t say that I did become a fearless swimmer, but I did learn to conquer my fear.
So now I’m facing NY resolutions; fearing that I can’t live up to my own inner critic keeps me on the edge.
And I can’t say I’ll become fearless , but I’m learning to quiet the voices.
The thing is, facing the fear is a beginning.